Rejuvinate your marriage or intimate relationship when you understand what may be causing your lack of interest in sex - and how to fix it.
Why does a woman lose interest in sex, and can she fire it up again? Many women admit that even as they 'love' their partners, if forays into frisky business become infrequent and eventually taper off, they would be content to let it do so.
Men, however, generally need physical intimacy to bond with their spouse. A marriage will quickly unravel if the level of bondedness is lost between the couple. As one might be happy to remain in a platonic marriage, the other will grow increasingly dissatisfied with the status quo. He might try to understand, give her the 'space' she needs and do his best to endure the situation, but ultimately a marriage without a healthy sex component is a divorce in the making.
Roots and Remedies of Decreased Sex Drive
1. Low Testosterone Levels.
Testosterone is the primary sex drive hormone. Although estrogen and progesterone are the primary female sex hormones, women DO have testosterone too. Deficiency in testosterone will lower a woman's natural drive for sex.
Strength Training naturally raises testosterone. The female orgasm also stimulates testosterone production. A chicken or egg situation! Perhaps if she starts with self-stimulation in the safe space of her own company, she can increase testosterone levels enough to welcome his attentions over time.
2. Low Dopamine.
Dopamine is the brain neurotransmitter responsible for her 'Get Up and Go.' It is also the brain chemical linked to libido. Dopamine production is stimulated in the excitement of a new romance which is why you can stay up all night talking to your new beau and can barely keep your hands and lips off of him.
L-Tyrosine is the essential amino acid for dopamine production along with high levels of B-Vitamins. Supplement 1000 - 2000 mg L-Tyrosine and high quantity B Vitamins. A scary new adventure will also boost dopamine levels, so perhaps sign up to a skydiving adventure for your next anniversary?
3. Emotional Bonding.
Women need to feel emotionally bonded with a mate before feeling safe and inspired to enjoy physical intimacy. In the rush of modern living between school runs and work deadlines, many couples fail to connect as they did in those all night conversations at the start of the relationship.
The interplay of hormones (specifically estrogen in her, testosterone in him) creates an unique recipe for romance. Compatibility between a couple is enhanced when his testosterone levels are high, her estrogen levels are high.
A 'hen-pecked' man loses testosterone and will actually become more 'estrogenic' with an associated softening of his character where he might be prone to more feminine behaviors and attitudes. A weak will, indecisiveness, lack of drive, ambition and decreased libido are signals his testosterone levels are too low. When she complains he is 'not man enough', it is an apt diagnosis.
A 'bossy' (ball-breaker) woman has testosterone levels that are TOO high, which overpowers her 'estrogen' self. These hormones have a natural synchronicity so if she has high testosterone, his will drop; if his testosterone rises, her testosterone will drop and her softer estrogen side will emerge.
A 'damsel in distress' LITERALLY raises testosterone levels in a man! His levels will pump up as his chest expands and he jumps into action to 'rescue' her.
Similarly, when she is able to be vulnerable, her estrogen levels rise. The dance of the hero and heroine as portrayed in fairy tales and romance novels for centuries mimics the reality of the male/female bond pattern!
So, to reignite passion, embrace the feminine: Be brave and share the truth of your fears, insecurities, hopes and dreams. Let him 'man-up' and be your protector/rescuer/knight on a white horse...
Taking the time to reconnect in an emotionally vulnerable way will open the gates to physical intimacy too.
4. Oxytocin and Vasopressin.
These are the chemicals responsible for the feeling of 'love' between mates. Oxytocin is responsible for the feeling of bonding and is released by touch - particularly around the mouth area. This is why humans kiss each other and nuzzle faces into their pets. After sexual intercourse, Oxytocin is high, which is why she feels so prone to cuddling and he lets her!
Vasopressin is responsible for feelings of commitment and the dreams of 'and they lived happily ever after for ever and ever...' Vasopressin is released while looking deeply into your mate's eyes (even a photograph will do it.)
Oxytocin is also released in copious amounts at child-birth to ensure a mother bonds with her baby and a lioness does not eat her own cubs. Unfortunately this Oxytocin rush towards baba unceremoniously moves her affections AWAY from her husband. It is no wonder many men feel left out in the cold after the arrival of a child. He is!
Take the time to reconnect with your Love Drugs! If you and your spouse have been passing like ships in the night, take the time to stop, look INTO his eyes and communicate. Massage is the quintessential tool to Oxytocin release, so take the time to woo her into an Oxy-amenable state. 'Honey, are you awake?' does not cut it.
Fast Track to Love and Libido Highs
If you really want to re-ignite your love life, try this Love Guaranteed Date Night:
Select a dangerous, high risk activity (skydiving, roller-coaster ride or long drive along a dark and scary road will do it.) This raises dopamine for that 'in-love' high.
Look deeply into her eyes for 4 to 10 seconds while sharing an emotionally vulnerable truth.
Hold her close and nuzzle her muzzle for a while.
Enjoy the rest of the evening!
Words by Rae Dengler, Health Specialist.